Real Boys is a psychology book exploring how to raise or help boys become “real” mean. That is. men who are balanced in masculinity and emotional intelligence, comfortable with empathy and expressive. He covers common sources that often disrupt boys’ development, and how they can be helped, namely shame, trauma, “masks,” and masculinity myths.
He talks about how parents can show support and be there for their boys when they need it. Recognizing the signs of seeking help or someone to open up to. And, he advocates listening to your gut. He argues that often parents feel they shouldn’t do something, but do it anyway for fear of social expectations or appearance.
For example, many young boys may be happy playing with dolls or other toys often associated with girls, and teachers or parents will push their boys away from it telling them they need to use boy toys and not to act like a girl. It begins a process of instilling in a boy the idea that masculinity means “not being like a girl.” And because of the broad listing of items called feminine, boys will start to close themselves off. For example, boys don’t cry, shouldn’t be dependent on others, can’t be weak, etc.
Later chapters cover suicide and homosexuality (which I kind of brushed over), the role/effect of school and sports, and the differences between men and women in the support of young boys.
The big takeaway I got from the book was an emphasis on communication and openness. As a parent, be open with your child about struggles, social expectations and contradictions, and take time to listen to them. Try to develop a relationship with open communication.